Growing up as a pastor’s kid in a conservative, Christian home during the purity culture of the 80’s and 90’s, not getting pregnant “out of wedlock” was part of the job description.
No sex before marriage, got it. What is sex? Well, it was just something you didn’t do, not something you really too clearly defined back then.
My life in church, Christian school, summer camps, and mission trips was filled with an endless supply of don’t-get-pregnant-before-you’re-married seminars, songs, skits, videos, and books. We endured awkward conversations about how nice sex is when you’re a married, 50-year-old youth leader. I was convinced.
My teenage self wrote letters to my future husband swearing my fidelity. I wept bitterly during “Heaven’s Gates, Hell’s Flames” when the unwed mother died on the gruesome abortion table and that evil doctor had those gritty forceps and laughed. *Shudder* My “must watch” viewing was “The Silent Cry.” Honestly, abortion is murder.
I could not fathom what kind of girl would ever choose to have an abortion.
Until that girl was me – and before I get to the “5 Reasons Why” part, I have to tell you how I know WHY. What I tell you here could literally save lives – and God might use YOU to do it…
LUV is a Verb.
When this one girl in our youth group, Leslie, got pregnant at 17, it only confirmed our suspicion that she was a bad apple. You know how it goes:Fatherless home. Public education. Poor girl never had a chance, often styling herself after Madonna in the “Like a Virgin” years. Red. Flag. City.
She kept the baby, but that didn’t do her any favors. Now, everywhere Leslie went, it was just a reminder of the sex that leads to pregnancy.
Leslie had sex with someone that wasn’t her husband. Did she not know all the words to “LUV is a Verb”by DC Talk!? Christian men aren’t looking twice at that kind of girl.
I could not fathom what kind of Christian girl would give away her purity, get herself pregnant, and then assume a godly man would just take on her baggage.
Until that girl was me.
Papa Don’t Preach
I grew up in the days where it was acceptable, nay, expected to take part in the picket lines, human chains, and prayer vigils outside of abortion clinics. In fact, one Wednesday a month, the teenagers in our small Christian school were driven in a rusty, white van to Planned Parenthood so that we could try to implore the downcast, ashen young women scurrying past to not commit murder.
If they didn’t seem convinced, we would show them bloody photos of dismembered babies and offer to pray with them to receive Jesus.
When I was 13, my dad was arrested in front of Planned Parenthood for using his body to block the entrance so the women who wanted an abortion could have time to change their minds amid the chaos and wailing about slaying children on the altar of convenience.
When he stood in front of the judge to be sentenced to 10 days in the county jail, and cried out from the Scriptures, my brother and I wept with conviction and admiration that he was being persecuted like Paul and poor, dear Silas. Our mother was a saint. Our dad was a hero.
So, all that said, when I was in grad school working on my Master’s degree in Journalism, and everyone else was “kissing dating good bye”, I got pregnant out of wedlock. And honestly? No one was more surprised than, well…. me.
Now what?
The Moral Majority
The historical evidence and the statistics are there: Abortion is the most intentionally racist and heinous action ever perpetuated upon mankind. And if you’re black? The twisted irony is that black humans are aborted more than any other people group. It was always meant to be that way. Margaret Sanger was exceedingly clear.
Not to sound like the 1980’s Moral Majority version of my programming, but the truth is that people have been sacrificing their children “on the altar of convenience” since the dawn of time. “Abortion” is our new word, but it isn’t a new concept. Canaanites and their Molech. The Romans and their rocks.
But Christians? We have all those Scriptures telling us about defending LIFE, standing for LIFE, preserving LIFE, the sanctity of LIFE. “Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die…” (Proverbs 24:11, NLT)
WE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. So, why do Christians choose abortions nearly as much as anyone else? Because sometimes death feels safer than life.
“No one wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion as an animal, caught in a trap, wants to gnaw off its own leg.”
~ Frederica Mathewes-Green
The Altar of Convenience
We Christians. We like to say things about how abortion is murder “at the altar of convenience”, and I used to believe that very wholeheartedly. That women choosing abortion were just lazy skanks. Until it was me.
That is when I finally asked: “WHOSE “convenience”? MINE… Or the church’s?
Right now, as you are reading these very words there are Christian girls out there contemplating abortion because YOU think it’s more convenient. You might not think that you feel that way – but you do.
You’re fretting all over church and social media like…
- “Do we congratulate her?”
- “Is being happy for her overlooking the sin part?”
- “We can welcome the baby without approving of how it got here.”
- “Do we throw her a shower?”
It is the resigned expressions, and the “let’s get to work”, stiff upper lip vibes.
And as that girl is contemplating the merciful escape she thinks abortion will afford her, so that you, conveniently, never know about it… you might be the person she sees, or overhears or turns to or confides in.
What you say in those moments could change everything for the unborn, God-breathed human being waiting for a chance to live the life God has created them for….
5 REASONS WHY CHRISTIANS CHOOSE ABORTION
As someone who has walked this lonely path, here are five reasons (there are more, of course) why a Christian would rationalize abortion as an option when, in reality, the church should be the first place an unwed mother runs to – not away from.
63% of women who have an abortion also associate themselves with the Christian faith. When it comes to abortion, the church has to answer for its sins, first.
1. SHAME
For Christian women faced with an unplanned pregnancy, abortion isn’t a “convenient choice”- it’s a desperate one. Shame is a powerful and motivating force.
We all want to hide the things we are ashamed of, but it’s a lot easier to fly under the radar with a porn addiction or alcoholism or the tendency to slap your wife or kids in the face when they mouth off than it is to hide a growing sin-baby in your stomach.
Historically speaking, people of faith have not been kind to women who sleep around, or even women who made one mistake, one time. If a baby shows up, it’ll be a forever reminder of her shame. “Who’s the father?”
People will demand answers. She’ll always have to tell people how her husband isn’t the baby’s “real father” or people will do the math and figure it out, and that woman? She knows it’ll be that way. She’s seen you do it to everyone else and she knows she’s next. Shame.
Let’s be honest – we all judge on a “sin scale” and when a desperate woman sees a positive pregnancy test, make no mistake: She can already see the look on your face, and hear the things you’ll whisper behind her back. Removing that baby from the equation sounds like freedom.
2. FEAR
Actually, I should rephrase that to “terror”. The terrors of a Christian woman faced with an unwanted pregnancy range from Who is going to take care of it while I work/go to school? to Will it be loved and accepted by my friends and family/boyfriend/church? to What about my life/my plans?
The fear of bringing a “bastard child” into the world has a rich history in the church so much so that plenty of Christian women died from coat hangers, poultices, ritual cuttings, self-mutilation and worse in an attempt to hide a baby that will forever be the hallmark of what led to that pregnancy.
While that’s not necessarily true in every Christian circle, those things regardless do run through the mind of every woman who got pregnant from an affair, or from a one-night stand, from a boyfriend or even from incest or rape.
What good, Christian man would want to take on someone else’s used goods/baggage? Who would choose her over a virgin, or over someone with a less sordid sexual history?
She’s terrified on every level that her life will never be the same – which is true either way – and she will cling to whatever catharsis will make her feel better now. The antidote to fear is LOVE. But if you wait to show love after she’s pregnant, you’re too late and that baby is as good as dead.
- Change the way you speak about this issue now.
- Change the look on your face now.
- Change your tendency to gossip now before she gets pregnant.
She is watching you now, and the baby that results from her mistake depends on your example of love, forgiveness and redemption now.
3. GUILT
We Christians thrive on guilt. We have a guilt culture. Let’s be honest for a sec. We say that the Lord brings conviction and that Satan brings condemnation, but we are often quick to judge people who don’t seem like they feel guilty enough for their odious sin or who look a little too forgiven too quickly, don’t we?
We like people to feel guilty because it makes us feel like they’re truly sorry and that they’ve learned their lessons and that they’re now, officially, deserving of forgiveness. Been there, done that.
The Christian girl feels plenty guilty, I can promise you that. She doesn’t need your help. Maybe she’s smiling and putting on a brave face, but most of us seriously think about killing ourselves when we see a positive pregnancy test and the realization hits home that our sin/shame is about to find us out.
How could we be so stupid? We ask ourselves this over and over.
Instead of facing our guilt and running to the cross of Calvary, the baby dies in our place, taking our guilt and shame away forever (we hope) like a little, tiny Messiah – except the difference is Jesus was a willing sacrifice.
An abortion feels like catharsis, but instead of dissipating, the guilt becomes a permanent fixture, branded into the heart for all of time and eternity. Abortion is a deception on every level and the only winner is Satan.
4. HARDNESS OF HEART
When I was 22 and starting graduate school at a Christian university I found myself unwed and pregnant. I took a blood test to confirm what I already knew and then the doctor tossed a stack of Planned Parenthood literature on the bed and left the room. Abortion. The only reasonable solution.
The literature was very clear: There was a path forward to freedom. It would be quick, painless, inexpensive and private. Sign me up. I knew abortion was murder. I had grown up sitting outside of abortion clinics with literature and prayers and signs, remember?!
My dad had preached the Gospel in jail because of the unrighteous judge who locked him away for trying to save babies!
But when it’s you… everything changes.
- You steel yourself.
- You harden your heart and ignore what you know.
- You pretend it all away.
- You turn a blind eye.
- You justify.
- You rationalize.
- You compartmentalize.
- You apologize to yourself and your baby.
- You try to convince yourself it’s your life, your body and your choice, that the baby will be better off.
You tell yourself the Planned Parenthood mantra: It’s viral. It’s just a lump of tissue, that it’s not “viable” yet. You tell yourself that God will forgive you. You get yourself to Planned Parenthood under cover of night and a fake name.
Unless… Unless a Christian stops you. Unless a Christian asks what’s wrong and you pour out your heart. Unless a Christian speaks words of life over you. Over your unborn baby. Prays with you. No pity. No resignation. Just love. Rubs your back. Reminds you of your courage, and of God’s grace and mercy. Reminds you that your parents love you. Reminds you that you’re not alone in the fire.
That’s what happened to me and 25 years later, I look at my son who is artistic, hardworking, hilarious, and generous, and I desperately thank God for a woman named Renee Ross in Virginia Beach, Virginia, who saw me and stopped me, and softened my heart and saved his life.
Who can you see, and because of that, who will you save?
5. REPUTATION
As the daughter of a pastor, I was often, and against my will, expected by my friends’ parents to be some kind of example of Christian purity, godly character, 9 fruits of the Spirit and womanhood that all other girls should want to look up to. Not a chance.
I was as self-serving and bratty as the rest of those pretenders. I was just better at hiding it. Expert level, actually.
The biggest difference is that I tend to, ahem, “live out loud”. It’s both a blessing and a curse- pray for me. If discovering myself pregnant was a shock to me, it was Hiroshima to my parents.
It launched me into “how the mighty have fallen” status for many years to come from smug frenemies and their parents everywhere. I can’t tell you how many people to this day “do the math” and realize I wasn’t married when my son was born. To this day. What the actual heck?!
For any Christian woman who has had an affair, or a one-night stand or even slipped into sin with a committed boyfriend or fiancee, she already knows her reputation is about to be torpedoed. Most of us read “The Scarlet Letter” in high school so we are keenly aware of how “the church” views purity and sexual sins, even if we go to a grace-heavy fellowship.
There is still a pretty pungent stigma surrounding pregnancy out of wedlock.
Maybe Christians aren’t overtly using words like “whore” and “bastard child” anymore, but plenty are still conflicted about the question of whether a child conceived out of wedlock should be celebrated or hushed up. (The answer? CELEBRATED.)
So, the Christian woman who just found out she has a very unplanned and probably unwanted pregnancy pictures the look on your face when you find out, what does she see? When she imagines what you will think of her, what words does she imagine you’ll say about her? About her baby?
For the Christian woman who was, perhaps, raped by someone of a different skin color- she knows everyone, ever, ever, ever will notice and wonder why one of her kids is clearly not of the same father as the rest.
She cares what you think so much so that she’s willing to dismember or chemically burn her unborn child to death so you can continue smiling and approving when you think of her.
An unwed pregnancy is, sadly, a brand we carry forever.
And in one way or another, we are forever reminded that our child was conceived in a manner “Other” than a holy marriage.
Lots of Christians are pro-life and I applaud that, and many often gather to stand for that, but we have to do more than march and stand, and picket, and even vote. We need to adopt children in greater numbers, and foster them in greater numbers, and embrace and love, support their confused and scared mothers.
So, maybe you flat-out don’t approve of what the Christian woman did who should “know better”… but you know what? We all should know better, about everything.
And yet here we are still doing all the things Jesus died for- cheating on our taxes, speeding, being disrespectful, lying, fighting, holding grudges, murdering, gossiping and having sex outside of marriage. Sin happens. No more high horses, please!
But if you insist, at least go with this: A baby has nothing to do with it. That baby chose nothing. It simply lives. It is okay to be happy a new life exists.
Think about this: GOD KNEW life would come from that choice and He was okay with it – why aren’t you?
The Road Less Traveled?
I didn’t become a news anchor, you know. I didn’t become a world traveler. I didn’t become an actress or a model or a missionary either. (Those were my plans at the time I saw my pregnancy test.) Instead, I gained 50 pounds and became a mom.
Now, twenty-five years later, I am a grandmother to the son of my son – all because a CHRISTIAN pulled me back from the brink… where other Christians had unwittingly pushed me during all those years they thought they were saving me. God saved me, and my son. Praise the Lord!
I realize now that the adventure of motherhood was more wild, thrilling, frustrating, scary and maturing than any other experience could have afforded me. Satan tried to get me to kill my son, my heritage, and God saved his life.
Oh and guess what? I found a godly, Christian man who loved my son and raised him as his own. No baggage. No pity. No disappointments. The joke is on you, Satan.
Christian women consider abortion every day. They feel they have nowhere to turn. They hear you. They see you. They read your social media posts. And they’re not even pregnant yet, but the enemy is already preparing them – using YOU.
Don’t’ fall for it. IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW THE BABY GOT TO THIS EARTH. It’s here now and if you want it to stay – like you’re always saying you do – change the way you approach the subject of abortion before you even get there. Someone’s life depends on it.
