Game of (Heavenly) Thrones: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

So, one day this little boy was selling puppies on a sidewalk when a man walked by and asked, “What kind of puppies are those?” The boy replied “These are Baptist puppies!” Two weeks later, the man came by again and remarked, “I see you still have them Baptist pups.” The boy answered, “No, sir. These are Pentecostal puppies.” The man was confused. “I thought you said they were Baptist?” Then, the boy replied, “That’s before their eyes were opened!”  Hehehe. Chill out.

Ah, denominations. Proof that no, we can’t all get along. For better or worse, God’s Word means a lot of different things to a lot of different people and where the Bible is silent – let’s create bi-laws and charters to fill in the blanks! Baptists, Pentecostals, Assemblies of God, Four Square, Methodist, Presbyterian, Non-denominational, Christian Missionary Alliance, Reformed, Orthodox, Potter’s House, Latvian, Greek, Armenian, Russian, Lutheran, Hipster Megachurch… Dear Jesus tried so hard to simply be the gospel by His living example and here we all come clamoring in desperate to qualify, quantify, define, control, legislate and interpret everything to the point that you literally can’t move between denominations without need to learn entirely new theologies. Sheesh.

I remember this one time the Pharisees, in Mark 7, got all up in Jesus’ face about this same issue saying,  “Why do Your disciples not live according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?” And Jesus answered, “Well has Isaiah prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written:…In vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men—the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do.”And He said to them, “You full well reject the commandment of God so that you may keep your own tradition.”Dang, Jesus

So, for the Calvinist, Jesus didn’t die for everyone, but cherry-picks His favorites and makes people suffer to show His goodness. Yikes. For the Baptists, the Holy Spirit doesn’t speak the demon gibberish of a “prayer language”, while for the Orthodox, if your sacramental elements and a processional are missing, is God even in the room? The non-denominational ones? They’re a mixed bag of unpredictable theology, the Wild West of faith practices, while the Methodists are ordaining anything that moves. We all love to emphasize the necessity of our own traditions don’t we? After all, that’s what Coliseums, burning stakes and Crusades were invented for! 

Now, that being said… Our own traditions and preferences must never, ever get in front of the message of the gospel and the minute they do, we are hypocrites “teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.” Boom. Don’t shoot the messenger. Here’s how Paul framed it in Philippians 1: “…It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love…The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble…But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice…” 

So if Christ is preached and someone is driven to repentance and submits their lives to Him, Paul was okay with that- and we should be too. You know why? Because God can be trusted to take care of the rest. For those who truly seek to hear His voice, He’ll lead them to where they need to be, when they need to be there and they’ll obey (Unless they’re Presbyterian, and then they went because they didn’t have a choice). Just pray. And share Christ. That’s our job.

The. End.

Okay, one more joke…

Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Son of God. Protestants don’t recognize the pope as the Ruler of the Church. Baptists don’t recognize each other in a liquor store. But the Non-Denominational behind the register does take American Express.

HAHAHA… you need to seriously relax. Love ya!

Published by Alicia Purdy

Alicia Purdy is an independent, multi-media journalist with an M.A. in Journalism and a B.A. in Broadcasting. Learn more at:

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